Leave Them Alone

Howdy peeps!!! Do you ever feel like you need to fix someone?  Like you see someone and you know all the crap that they should do to feel better.  You know that they just need a, b and c.  Then they would be just fine!  You may have even let them know that you know what they need.  You know and if they listen they would know too.  Have you given that advice, told them what to do, only for them to ignore it?  Did you get pissed off?  Did you feel insulted?  Did you, at some point, judge them for not taking great advice and decide that they just wanted to be where they are.  Did you judge the fact that they stayed where they were as a problem or that they just wanted drama?

Maybe they did want the drama.  If the above relates to you then you too want drama.  Most of the time when you or anyone gives advice that isn't asked for then you are doing something without permission.  When was the last time someone did something for you/to you without your permission?  Did you like it?  Did it make you feel uncomfortable?  Depending on what it was you will have different answers.  Most folks aren't going to be upset if someone bought them a car, no strings attached, without permission.  Most of us aren't going to be upset if someone we knew and loved gives us flowers.  Most of us, however, have no desire to be told that we suck and that we wouldn't if we only did a, b, and c without first asking someone to help us or give us advice.  When you give advice without permission, when you tell someone what to do directly and then support it by judging their life, do you expect a showering of love?  Even if the advice is sound, well thought out and pertains to the person's life, they may not be ready for the change that you are pushing them towards.

Now, I always say you only get what you can handle and that everything happens for a reason.  I believe that when you get advice that is unsolicited there is a reason… maybe it is to hear it and then to ignore so that you sit in the place you are in longer to get out of it whatever it is trying to show you.  The bottom line is, we are where we are supposed to be, doing what we are supposed to be doing, even if family and friends want you to do it differently.  We can only go where we are ready to go.  Once we accept that we are the ones keeping ourselves where we are we will better be able to leave at will.  When you are done with a relationship there is nothing that can keep you in it.  When you are no longer receiving you cut off ties.  If you are holding onto a relationship/situation there is a reason.  Remember, it isn't for everyone else to know why, that is personal… and you may not even know why yet, you just know that you aren't ready to let go.

Often those who give unsolicited advice may need to look at themselves and their lives a bit harder.  There are things we are trying to avoid when we begin bossing others around and deciding that we know best for them.  When you feel the urge to get someone to change who hasn't initiated it themselves, you are projecting.  I am sure you can remember a time where you were in a situation/relationship that wasn't working for all intents and purposes but for some reason you chose to stay in it.  When you did decide to get out of it you were ready.  No one can decide when the right time to change your life is.  No one can make you see something that you aren't ready to see.  Just trust in the process of growth.  You cannot always see the plant growing, but it is steadily, persistently, continually growing… constantly changing.  What if we told the tree to hurry up?  Does that make sense?  Do we feel like we know how to tell a rose to bloom or when?

Leave us alone.  Leave them alone.  Go bother yourself :)

xo

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